Welcome to Lynn Crain's guestblog

That Magic Number

I was sitting at my desk the other day, uploading my covers to one of the many promotional groups I belong to when I thought to myself just how pretty they all looked together. So pretty in fact, I called my dear husband (DH) in to see them. His reaction was even more profound than mine as he didn’t realize with the publication of More Than Robotics I will have hit number twenty.

Now, my DH is a wonderful man but until that moment when I showed him twenty different covers, it never dawned on him just how many books and novellas I had written. It floored him to realized I still have about four books, all in the 40-70K range, due before the end of the year with at least one being published in November and December respectively. Next year is looking even better on the release front.

The number is a lot to those of you unpublished but to my author friends it may be just a drop in the bucket. It is a milestone to me because see I never really thought I’d be here. Maybe I should better explain my comment...LOL! I have always known my writing is good. I have always known my writing would get better with everything I write. I know I can write fast and most of the time clean. And when it’s not clean, I have the tools to make it as good as I can.

What I didn’t know was it would be so hard to keep moving forward. And the problem is with me, not what I write or my publishers as I have two factors going against me. One is I get bored easily. My life is a reflection of that boredom in many ways. I have changed jobs like I change clothes and other than writing, I’ve never decided just what I want to be when I grow up. I have chased the almighty dollar and had jobs I’ve loved as well as hated. None more so than writing and I’m convinced if I had just started earlier by keeping my nose to the grindstone, I would be a lot further along than I am now.

Getting back to my boredom, I am bored so easily in fact my idea file holds over 180 ideas I’ve yet to develop. Yeah, I’ve come to grips with the fact I will never develop everything in that file. But the file is my crutch in many ways, a thing I hold dear as if I ever get bored or need a new idea, it’s readily available. Along with this boredom sometimes comes a fear I will never complete a story. Now I have twenty good ones to my name. I have to keep reminding myself, I’ve done it twenty times before and I can do it twenty more times. I just have to keep working at it and moving forward.

Now the second one is more a combination of things which adds up to just one: fear of success. Now fear of success is much like fear of failure in that it can grab you at any time with any intensity. I have said many times during talks I’m afraid people will someday find out I’m a fake, that this isn’t what I’ve worked my whole life for when I know deep down it is. Some days I just can’t believe I wrote all those books. I’m also afraid a lot of the ‘what’s next’ as I start thinking about bestseller status should I ever be so lucky.

Part of the reason I feel this way is I’m a perfectionist. Sometimes I will stop a project because something in it has made me think I’ll never get it perfect. Again, I have to keep reminding myself that’s what I have an editor for and it’s their job to make sure it’s right. Mine too but as we all know, most of us can’t edit ourselves to that perfection because we will always find something wrong.

The other part of reason number two is I allow myself to get distracted by life, things I do, challenges I take up such as workshops, books and a host of other things like email. I know people get frustrated with me but even though I can do a million things at once, there are times I need total quiet to concentrate. My DH didn’t understand for the longest time why I wanted doors on my office.

Well, to put it simply, for them all to leave me alone when I had them closed...LOL! See, right now, my office has openings on two walls with no doors. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, if they all want something they will come in to visit or get my opinion. Some days it is a constant reminder I am working on my next project. It’s one of the reasons I am up long hours after they are in bed and when they are at school or at work. It leaves me little time to sleep right now, but at least I am getting more writing accomplished than before just by using the little to no sleep method. Not the brightest thing I’ve ever done but certainly the most productive. LOL!

Still, fear of success can grip you hard and you have to remind yourself everyday you’re writing something worthwhile, something people will want to read. And because of these two reasons, I have to schedule my time very carefully. I have a calendar and Excel spreadsheets galore to make sure I am keeping pace with the goals I have set. Matter of fact, the DH is so freaked out I am absolutely anal about writing because I am not this way about any other item in my life. My mood can be gauged by if I’ve had my writing fix for the day.

So, see, every time I finish a book, it is a major accomplishment for me especially if I sold the book on spec. For me, selling a book on spec can be really traumatic since I’m a pantser and not once have I ever exactly written a book to a synopsis. My characters take over then all hell breaks loose. I’ve learned to go with the flow, adjusting as necessary and most times the book is even better than the one I first proposed.

For those who are still on the outside looking in, I know sometimes it all looks so seamless, so easy. I write fast, I have good titles and most of the time a great book which gets good reviews. I’m lucky as I almost never have to see a blank screen once I get started with a project, I am self-entertaining and most of the time propel myself forward easily. It’s the getting started and keeping started that can be my downfall.

But like many other authors, I have some inner demons which need to be conquered every time I start a book. The final battle is only won when I see my cover at my publisher’s website. Then and only then, do I realize I have increased my magic number by one. And once again, I can dazzle myself with the wonderful reality of it all, knowing just how very blessed I am to have a great family, wonderful publishers, great editors, fabulous critique partners and writer friends all topped with a ton of readers who make each and every day so very special. Thank you all for being a part of this writer’s wonderful life.

Lynn Crain
Experience the Magic
www.lynncrain.com
Now at www.extasybooks.com – More Than Robotics – Orchid Series Book 2